Communication differences: perception and priority

AI TLDR: This article says our brains miss urgency in talks. It offers a priority system (P0-P4) to signal importance (P0=emergency, P4=casual). It also considers how men & women might perceive urgency differently, helping avoid misunderstandings.

Some networking protocols have the concept of priority under the Quality of Service title. To improve interactions under the quality of life title, we need to understand priority/importance of the statement coming from another person as it is to them. Ex. The statement "Let's head out" while at a party can be interpreted in multiple different depending on the prioritization level assigned to the statement. Unfortunately if the context is new or if the context is perceived to be different, and if there is no history with the statement's usage, then assigning a priority level to the statement based on past experience is not possible. However, the statement is not just the words (and choice of vocabulary) itself, but is also the tone at which it is spoken and with the visual expression during the utterance, which provides a clue of prioritization. These visual and auditory signals however, are also subject to one's perception and expressed differently based on social atmosphere, where subtlety may be needed, but can also cause a missed signal. Much like any other type of acquired skill, it requires a good perception of the gap in ability, to create effective feedback mechanisms to develop the skill. This perception may be missing by both the speaker and listener, or practising the skill itself is not prioritised; causing both parties to be unaware as to why communication is poor.

I also acknowledge that prefixing the statement requires a certain developed awareness, extreme situations may cause a more primal reflex which excludes the annotation.

The suggestion is to prefix the statement with a priority indicator.

  • P0 - loss of life or extreme injury if not acted upon (overdosing, crime), exit at nearest
  • P1 - dangerous situation (blacking out, fighting nearby), exit options needed
  • P2 - potential for dangerous or unpleasant situation (I'm ill/dizzy, odd people around), awareness is needed 
  • P3 - neutral (I'm bored, or a scheduled X is upcoming), when ever you feel like leaving
  • P4 - Leaving is purely for convenience or preference (comfortably full after a meal)

As we decrease priority, the expected time for the reply/action also decreases, and the statement becomes less of a command and more of a notification and/or question, allowing for an opportunity for the reply to counter the statement.

  • P0 - Physical removal, exit here, ambulance called
  • P1 - Physical reassurance, assessment in progress, understand direction of action
  • P2 -  Consider options, timeout of situation
  • P3 - conversation about timeline, 15 mins until show starts, we can wait 5 more min
  • P4 - I'm really enjoying talking to X or eating Y, statement countered

    • Each person's brain develops in a unique way, so understanding the priority of which the statement is, for the speaker, gives more information to the listener, which also allows the listener to alter their attention to the statement, which impacts the brains ability to create memories based on the statement and situation. It is a teaching mechanism of what to remember, by the speaker. This is important because we can often fall into habituated responses, which may undervalue the statement of the speaker, making them feel unheard/disrespected. This is also important for the listener by the speaker. If the speaker doesn't value the communication, then they don't value the listener's response appropriation. 

    Gender also impact brain development, so the prioritization system also provides insight into what is being perceived by the other person. Ex. A brain focused on situational awareness and tactical manoeuvrability, could P1 a seemingly normal situation, where actionability may be beneficial over verbal communication. Acknowledging the P1 would serve as mood shift, altering perception, and ultimately alters (and hopefully synchronises) both the speaker's and listener's biochemistry.


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